My NICU Angels

"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder, that the stars peeked in to see you, and the night wind whispered 'life will never be the same again.'
Because there had never been anyone like you...ever in the world." -N. Tillman

With tears in my eyes and a boasting heart, I'd like to tell you about a few of my angels.  There is no worthy gift or monetary amount that measures nearly enough to be given to the people who have carried us through the last few months.  So many have reached out and touched us, helped us to feel whole again, but today I'd like to talk about my NICU angels.

These angels of mine took not only Sawyer, but our whole family, under their wings.  They have loved us, supported us, and reassured us.  Each nurse, doctor, and therapist in the NICU has played a special part in our story, whether it be encouraging words, a hug, or a smile, each has touched us in some way.  While I could write a personal anecdote about every single person in the NICU, there are a few people that are near and dear to my heart that took care of Sawyer most often that I'd like to recognize.

"S"  (photo by M Woods)

On the day Sawyer was born, S & C came to my delivery, gave everyone little signs to wear on their badges that said "Team Sawyer."  They called out, "she's SO cute!" as I laid on the operating table and couldn't see her first moments.  These two held my precious world in their hands as they took Ryan with Sawyer to the NICU and I had to stay behind in recovery.  S came to my room and sat with me when the Neonatologist came to give me an update and talk to me about her hands and feet.  S cared for Sawyer in such a passionate way as I can only imagine she would take care of her own children.   

L helped me hold my daughter for the first time and that's a moment I will never, ever forget.  E sat in Sawyer's room with us when the Neo gave us the news about Sawyer's eye not developing and put his hand over ours as we grieved.  T snuggled Sawyer on those sleepless nights and cuddled her just as I would.  K held Sawyer and sang German Christmas carols to her when she was upset or when Sawyer just wanted to be entertained.  C took Sawyer down for her MRI and cried happy tears when the results were positive.

"C"

Sawyer's speech therapist spent so much time with us to help Sawyer safely feed.  She took such care, advocated for her, carefully pushed her, and kept me involved every step of the way.  Sawyer's occupational therapist gently worked with Sawyer's hands, feet, and hips, and taught us infant massage. Every time Ryan massages her feet and legs, Sawyer melts.

(photo by M Woods)

These people shook their fists at the universe with me and asked God "why?" and prayed for no more.  At times when I felt the most broken, they sat in her room with me and listened to my every word.  My fears, my heartache.  They cried with me.  They put a hand over ours and told us we can do this.  When I found myself focusing on the future, the unknowns, and the what-ifs, they reminded me to focus on the here and now.  This precious joy I have.  To find happiness in the midst of the unknown.  They celebrated each milestone and victory with me.  

"K"

And lastly, Dr M.  As a nurse, I've had the chance to observe her bedside manner with many parents prior to our NICU stay.  But now I had the chance to experience it.  What you saw was not only a brilliant doctor, but compassionate person who doesn't rush through, but answers every question and promises to find out when there are things she doesn't know.  She took our desires into consideration when possible so that we felt like we were a part of the team rather than just bystanders.  I can't express how much her meticulous and thoughtful care has meant to our family.

"Dr M" in blue scrubs...not Santa :)

Besides the amazing care and attention everyone gave Sawyer, the nurses in the unit went over and beyond by decorating her room, buying her outfits, making her outfits, making signs to celebrate weight milestones and so much more.  They made us feel so special and I am so grateful.

Birthday surprises!

Ryan and I were struck with unimaginable news the day Sawyer was born and will never be the same.  We have been stretched and pulled in all directions, but we have found a love that runs deeper than pain and it continues to grow stronger each day.  While this NICU roller coaster has uncoupled me numerous times, these NICU angels have helped me get by through their love and compassion for my daughter.

(photo by M Woods)

I would never wish a NICU visit on any family, but if it's in your cards, I work with some amazing, wonderful people that will take excellent care of you.

K discharging us from the NICU

To everyone in the NICU, we love you and could not have done this without you.  Thank you for the check-ins, the phone calls, the notes, the handmade gifts.  Thank you for your contribution to this journey and helping to get my little girl home to me.

Night she came home.

love,
Team Sawyer